My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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