last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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