Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
