Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
