I am midnight drunk by noon
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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