im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
