My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
