im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
