if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
