How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I intend to get homeless drunk
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
