My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
