Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
