my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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