i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
