I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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