When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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