I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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