I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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