Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
