i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
