Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
