i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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