I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's blow job season.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you made out with another girl for some wings
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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