you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
