Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i think my cat just said my name.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
