Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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