sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i think im in europe. pls send help
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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