Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
