If that was your dad, he is hot
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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