would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
