your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
