I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
