he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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