HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
