He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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