Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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