and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
