How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
