You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
