Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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