Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
