No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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