i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
