i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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