I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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