that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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