Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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