he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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