i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
