So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
