I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
