...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
