32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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