she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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