sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
